What a difference a day makes!

This time I'm not talking about Marian. I'm talking about ME!

Yesterday was the first day I did not spend at the hospital since Marian was admitted on January 6. I had an appointment to have my hair "refreshed." Other family members were planning to come. And I knew I needed to take a day and just rest. Of course, when you've been going to the hospital daily, you let a lot of things go at home. So I needed to do laundry and a few other minor chores.

I was looking forward to yesterday and thinking how good it would feel to exercise, soak in the tub for as long as I wanted, get my hair done, and have dinner with John. But I woke up yesterday in this awful blue funk. I worked out and got in the tub as planned. But instead of enjoying it, I soaked and I cried and I wondered why I was feeling so depressed just when everything was starting to look up!

Actually, this has happened to me before. I am strong in the crisis, but as soon as the pressure lets up and my adrenalin goes back to normal, I feel all the emotion I have been pushing down in order to do what I need to do. I think it was more of an emotional exhaustion than it was physical. But I did feel bad physically too.

I went to my hair appointment and my stylist (who has been doing my hair since 2004) said, "I have never seen you look this tired." I told her about Marian's hospitalization and what the week had been like and that I was pretty worn out. But, as usual, I left there feeling better than when I arrived. There is something about a fresh cut and hair color that makes me feel all new.

I am very blessed to have some wonderful people in my life who provided the shoulders I needed just when I needed them. One person in particular emailed back and forth with me yesterday and took the time to not only be a sounding board, but also to respond with just the right words. Gentle reminders, wisdom, lots of comfort and empathy. That person helped me probably much more than they realize. Other family members communicated love and support that was much needed and appreciated.

I chose not to post anything on my blog yesterday because I felt so down. I didn't want any men in white coats to show up on my doorstep and try to take me away. Ha.

We had a relaxing dinner with friends last night. It felt good to do something normal; to have fun and laugh. I slept like a rock. Woke up with these huge bags under my eyes, actually, from sleeping so hard. But in spite of looking at myself in the mirror, I felt better today from the moment I woke up. Then I got a phone call this morning from someone who made me feel so loved and appreciated and lifted my spirits even more. I feel like I have had an IV from God. (And now even the puffiness under my eyes is starting to go away.)

It's sometimes hard to believe what a difference one day can make in how you feel. In light of how bad I felt yesterday, I'm amazed that I could feel this good the very next day. But I do. And I'm sure it has something to do with all the people who have been praying for me. Thank you.

I've talked with Marian several times on the phone this morning and she sounds so good. She even asked me to bring her make up bag so she could put on a little lipstick! She's back!!!!! : ) She said Dr. Flinn came in and told her he wants her up walking today. So I'm going to help with that as soon as I get there.

I need to get busy and finish getting ready to go to the hospital. I've taken my time this morning and I know she is looking forward to me getting there. But I wanted to check in and let everyone know that everything is going well.

Comments

barrydean said…
When I saw your heading I had to take the time to read immed. I had a feeling it was going to be about you. It was bound to happen. You do the strong part for everyone else real good. Like you said "as soon as the pressure lets up and my adrenalin goes back to normal" you crash. Welcome to living in a fallen world. :-) Of course I know I am preaching to the choir here. When I get that way the Holy Spirit is always guiding me to pick up God's word and read. It doesn't matter what I read. Just read. When I obey the Spirit's leading, my spirit is lifted. Funny how a small thing can remove that huge weight of the world off my shoulders. Read the word my sister.

I also love the Lord for giving us friends far and near to life our spirits as well.

Shine on!

Barry
Shari said…
Thanks, Barry. My prayer this morning began...

God, please forgive me for always wanting to hear audible voices instead of coming to You first. And thank You for providing the voices.

In all my challenges and shortcomings, He has always been there to carry me, sustain me, and redeem me. He is ALWAYS faithful, whether I am or not. I'm thankful for the awareness of my fallen condition and that I can never measure up, which is why He sent His Son.

I know that there is not enough strength in me for these challenges. The only strength that emerges is the strength that flows through me from the Source of strength, which is Jesus.

I will take your advice and read. Thanks for the reminder, Friend!

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