Do you ever focus endlessly on your flaws?

I sure do. Sometimes obsessively.

This happens most when I have been trying really hard to be the perfect anything. You fill in the blank. It doesn't matter what capacity I am shooting for perfection in; I will always fail. Even -- or maybe especially -- if the goal is perfect communication. You see, the problem is that I'm severely flawed. And nothing makes that more glaringly apparent to me than stress combined with my own expectations of myself.

Whenever I feel like I've not said something perfectly or as well as I could have -- which is often, because I'm expressive -- I will obsess about it for days. And if I'm obsessing about it, I tend to talk about it. I'll keep trying to say it better in the hope of being more fully understood. But sometimes I keep talking when I really should just accept being misunderstood.

After all -- note to self! -- If I don't fully understand myself all the time, how can I expect anyone else to?

I was reading quotes on stress tonight and found this one (which definitely applies):

"A woman under stress is not immediately concerned with finding solutions to her problems
but rather seeks relief by expressing herself and being understood." ~ John Gray ~

Yep. Me to a tee.

And this Peanuts quote describes precisely how I have been feeling about myself lately.
(It also made me laugh.)

"Sometimes I lie awake at night and ask, "Where have I gone wrong?" Then a voice says to me,
"This is going to take more than one night." ~ Charlie Brown / Charles M. Schulz) ~

The reality is:

"Believing that you must do something perfectly is a recipe for stress, and you'll associate that stress with the task and thus condition yourself to avoid it." ~Steve Pavlina ~

However, here's where I excel:

"Yes, Mother. I can see you are flawed. You have not hidden it. That is your greatest gift to me."
~ Alice Walker ~

~~~

In a recent conversation with my son...

Shari: "This is kind of ironic for ME, but I can't think of the word I'm searching for."
Danny: "Bet you can think of eight hundred."
(Whole family: LOL)

Comments

Kimmie said…
This is totally me as well!! I just kept giggling to myself while reading it because I understand completely!
-Kimmie