A public apology

I need to repent to someone publicly. They know who they are.

This morning, I made something about me that wasn't about me. Although I mentioned no names, I wrote on my blog about my paranoid perception that a public comment had been directed at me. I thought I made it clear that my conclusion could very well be presumptuous and paranoid. However, it was interpreted (by someone reading my blog) as putting this person in a negative light. That was not my intent.

My blog is an outlet. I journal my thoughts. I was expressing inner conflict.

However, I never should have shared those feelings publicly. I allowed myself to vent instead of praying and allowing God to help me with my inner turmoil and pain.

Because I have experienced so much rejection in my life, I tend to anticipate it and react to my perception. My perception is skewed by my past. Sometimes I imagine rejection that isn't there. I realize that. So I want to publicly ask your forgiveness for giving vent to my own paranoia. I was wrong and I want to acknowledge that publicly.

I removed my self-indulgent post because I never intended to cause pain with it. I was trying to deal with my own pain in what I now realize was an unproductive way. I have to remind myself that everyone doesn't know all of the hurtful things that have been said to me personally and privately. If it were all out in the open, my paranoia might be more easily understood. However, I should not be seeking the validation of others in the first place. God knows the pain I carry and He will help me deal with it through grace and mercy.

I have repented to God and I repent to you. Please know that my reaction was rooted in my own insecurities and not because of anything you have ever done. You have never said hurtful things to me. I humbly apologize for making something about me that wasn't. I sincerely hope you will forgive me.

"Give me Grace" lyrics (Andy Gullahorn)

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