Judgment and Moral Superiority

I love it when a conversation provokes thought. It's easy to feel defensive instead of being open to thought provoking words. I remember a counselor once telling me that whenever we feel defensive, we're protecting something. We know there's a nugget of truth in what we are reacting to defensively or we wouldn't feel defensive. So I've tried to use that as a gauge to check myself ever since. But even when there's no "nugget" to spark defensiveness, there's always the opportunity for more insight into our interactions. A wrong intent doesn't have to be present for someone to perceive you in a certain light or misinterpret your heart.

I'm passionate, expressive, opinionated and lean toward over-communicating as opposed to under-communicating. I'm a talker and a writer. I'm animated in person and I'm wordy at a keyboard. But when I express myself, I always know my heart. That does not mean the people reading me or my words always do.

It was said to me yesterday that moral superiority makes this conversation (about the virus and the economy) harder. And my first thought was to examine myself for moral superiority. I know there's no conscious or intentional moral superiority in my heart. But what about my words? I started to reflect on whatever I could think of that I may have said recently in my own posts or in conversations with mutual friends that might have conveyed moral superiority on my part. I could see where I may have come across that way at least once. It made me want to self-correct my course and be more self-aware going forward about my tone.

This same person made an observation about how poorly many were eating health-wise and posting photos, while at the same time being vocal about the virus risk to the vulnerable. She was making the point that we opt for pills and vaccines (and now isolation) while we neglect to embrace the healthy lifestyle choices that would build our immune systems and keep many of us out of the high risk category. Valid point. But one that instantly made me feel self-conscious about posting pictures of the sweets I've been sending out into my friend community. I joked that I hoped I wasn't being judged for that. And she responded "It's Facebook. Everyone is judging." Ha! (I did make some healthy soup, thank goodness!)

So I just wanted to say to all my friends out there (especially those who see life differently from me), it's not my intent to judge you or make you feel judged. If I have, I'm sorry. And if I have come across as morally superior in expressing my own convictions with my usual passion (now or at some other time), I didn't mean to. I didn't even think about that. But now I will. I will because of a friendly and honest conversation with a friend on Facebook. In this case, there was no verbal attack or animosity. No defensiveness. Just two friends, with different perspectives on a struggle we are all in right now, sharing their thoughts. It can happen. Even on Facebook, occasionally.

No matter how carefully we try to choose our words, we are still going to be misunderstood and even misjudged. I don't find that nearly as painful as I once did. But I don't want to over-correct by going too far in the direction of not caring at all.

We all have similar concerns right now, but not necessarily the same priority to our concerns. I want to be sensitive to the people and the struggles that differ from my own. My opinions may not change. But I can always work harder on my delivery.

I don't want to accept this polarization of our society. Maybe I can't change it in any big way. But I can refuse to let it change me.