Soup and Chocolate Pie

This morning we went to church at 8:30 and I felt like I could go to sleep standing up. It was a good service, but I had a hard time connecting with anything. I couldn't figure out why I felt bad after I'd felt so good yesterday. On the way to the hospital, I was weepy again. I'm so glad I can verbalize what I'm feeling to John without judgment. He's not wired like me emotionally, but he is always compassionate. At one point, I told him about something that was bothering me (nothing to do with him). I said, "I know it isn't true, but I feel like..." He agreed that it wasn't true and then added, "One of the ways you and I are different is that I have no emotional expectations of anyone ... and you do." He then added that it's not necessarily wrong to have expectations, it's just easier when you don't. He's right. I wish I could be more like him in some ways. But even though I'm not as "even keel" as he is, I'm glad I am at least rational enough to recognize that everything I feel right now is intensified by fatigue. Since Marian was sitting in a chair when we arrived, I reclined on her bed and was able to doze a little bit while watching football. It helped.

Dr. Flinn told Marian this morning that she would need to stay several more days. She couldn't remember if he'd said "three or four" or "four or five." I guess the earliest she would be leaving would be Wednesday (Day 14). I never would have imagined her staying in the hospital this long when she was admitted. But I don't want her to come home prematurely and have a relapse. I just want her well, however long it takes.

She did six laps around the floor and told me she was going to walk again later this afternoon (after we were gone). Just before we left, she was looking at her dinner choices. Hospital food just isn't that appetizing. And she's been there for eleven days. So nothing sounds good at this point.

One thing I know that has been sounding good to her is homemade bean soup. So when we got home tonight I made a pot of bean soup and I'm going to take some to her for lunch tomorrow. I also baked her a double chocolate chess pie (because she mentioned how much she loves chocolate pie tonight). I will pick up a can of ReadyWhip and some Starbucks coffee on my way in tomorrow. I can't wait to see the look on her face when I arrive with homemade food...

It's funny the things that can swing my mood in a positive direction. I have never fully shaken my exhausted feeling today. And I'm still tired. But it gave me a lift to make a couple of her favorite things tonight. I even felt a little burst of energy while I was busy in the kitchen.