How We See Ourselves
I had a couple of conversations before and after church Saturday night that got me thinking about this. The conversations were virtually the same except that I switched places.
Before service, I walked into the Resource Center with John to get a book and a DVD. I saw a friend I hadn't seen in a few weeks and she said something about how tiny I looked. I don't remember her exact words, but she suggested that I was wasting away to nothing; thinking I had lost weight. I have not lost weight at all. I told her that, if anything, I was up a pound or two. I have been struggling just not to gain weight lately. I've reached the age when it's getting tougher. And I have almost made peace with a couple of extra pounds having to stay. Not quite, but almost.
My response to my friend was, "I don't see tiny when I look in the mirror."
After church, I saw another friend who really IS tiny. We are about the same age and I couldn't help but notice how great she looked. Her waist is so small. And I told her what my other friend had said to me before church; "You are so tiny!" And what do you think she said back to me? Exactly what I had said earlier. "That's not what I see in the mirror!" She said something about how, no matter what size she is, she feels jiggly or squishy....
The exact words don't matter; I knew exactly what she was saying. Not that I EVER had "abs" or a toned body. It never was that important to me to go the extra mile. I exercise just enough to keep my metabolism going so I can enjoy good food (within reason) and maintain a healthy weight. And I have done that pretty successfully. But at any weight or size, I realize I am so very critical of myself. I do not see myself the way others see me. And neither does my truly tiny friend.
Why are we so hard on ourselves?
I don't judge anyone else by their weight. I have friends who gain and lose and I don't even notice---because I honestly don't pay attention to their weight or size. It's not even on my radar. So why do I do this to myself?
I wish I could just relax and accept myself; accept and embrace the aging process, the lines I have earned--even a few extra pounds--without the negative, critical thoughts. If you are a woman reading this, I bet you understand.
Know what I really want? I just want to get over myself. I don't want my appearance to matter so much. Not that I shouldn't care at all, but within reason. I want to accept that I AM a grandma now. And it's okay if I start to look like one!
Before service, I walked into the Resource Center with John to get a book and a DVD. I saw a friend I hadn't seen in a few weeks and she said something about how tiny I looked. I don't remember her exact words, but she suggested that I was wasting away to nothing; thinking I had lost weight. I have not lost weight at all. I told her that, if anything, I was up a pound or two. I have been struggling just not to gain weight lately. I've reached the age when it's getting tougher. And I have almost made peace with a couple of extra pounds having to stay. Not quite, but almost.
My response to my friend was, "I don't see tiny when I look in the mirror."
After church, I saw another friend who really IS tiny. We are about the same age and I couldn't help but notice how great she looked. Her waist is so small. And I told her what my other friend had said to me before church; "You are so tiny!" And what do you think she said back to me? Exactly what I had said earlier. "That's not what I see in the mirror!" She said something about how, no matter what size she is, she feels jiggly or squishy....
The exact words don't matter; I knew exactly what she was saying. Not that I EVER had "abs" or a toned body. It never was that important to me to go the extra mile. I exercise just enough to keep my metabolism going so I can enjoy good food (within reason) and maintain a healthy weight. And I have done that pretty successfully. But at any weight or size, I realize I am so very critical of myself. I do not see myself the way others see me. And neither does my truly tiny friend.
Why are we so hard on ourselves?
I don't judge anyone else by their weight. I have friends who gain and lose and I don't even notice---because I honestly don't pay attention to their weight or size. It's not even on my radar. So why do I do this to myself?
I wish I could just relax and accept myself; accept and embrace the aging process, the lines I have earned--even a few extra pounds--without the negative, critical thoughts. If you are a woman reading this, I bet you understand.
Know what I really want? I just want to get over myself. I don't want my appearance to matter so much. Not that I shouldn't care at all, but within reason. I want to accept that I AM a grandma now. And it's okay if I start to look like one!
Comments
I also have cholesterol issues.
You have always looked fabulous. But the whole point of my post was how we do not see ourselves as others see us.
I love you too! And miss you!