Wow . . . a real book!

I saw the cover tonight. I can't stop looking at it. I'm so happy and excited. My mother-in-law and I were admiring the artwork and I said, "This is going to be a real book!"

The cover designer and I chatted on the phone about a few final touches to the cover text before converting to pdf. I will have the file tomorrow night. I will submit the book Monday morning.

I'm going to have to get some new dreams. I was telling John recently that I haven't had a lot of big aspirations in life. I have never really wanted more than a simple life full of meaningful relationships. My number one big dream in life was a happy marriage, which I now have.

I had two other personal dreams that I thought would be so cool, but never expected to see happen. I always thought it would be a blast to write restaurant reviews for a newspaper. I knew I could do it and people have told me all my adult life that I was born to do it, but I didn't have a clue as to how I would ever get my foot in the door with a newspaper. And then God blessed me with a dear friend who is the editor-in-chief of our local paper. He was all too happy to help me fulfill that dream.

The other dream I never expected to come true was to be a published author. I knew I had a book in me, but never set out to make that goal a reality. I am not a driven person. I'm not even a highly motivated person. I do not believe I would have started writing this book at all if God had not inspired me through a small group of women who prayed fervently for me back in January of this year. Their prayer was that God would use my testimony for His glory and for the deliverance of others. From the moment they prayed that day, I couldn't stop thinking about writing this book. I began to write and the words just flowed out of my heart and onto the page.

I did not write this book for self-therapy. I didn't think I needed that kind of therapy. But I was wrong. God has used this book to further complete my own deliverance and healing. I agonized over nearly every word. I relived every chapter (as well as some things I did not even choose to write about). There were so many emotionally draining days (and anxiety attacks; anticipating, worrying, and wondering about certain possible reactions from people I love). I wrestled and prayed, and others prayed for me. And something amazing happened. I noticed that as I neared the completion of the book, there was a transformation that was happening for me. Little by little, I was feeling bolder and less fearful. Even my close friends witnessed this happening to me, in me.

While I have waited for the cover I have continued to make the most minor revisions to my manuscript. The most recent involve punctuation changes. I have become obsessed with the proper use of an ellipsis and making sure all of mine were absolutely correct and consistent editorially. I asked my editor to create one final pdf for me, which I will have first thing Monday morning. So, even though I have had a finished manuscript for a while, I feel like I have had some extra time to review it and polish it as I was waiting for the cover. What may have seemed trying to me (waiting), I now believe to be a blessing. God knew exactly how long I would need to get it right.

I have always believed that if God was in this book being published, then He was also in the timing. And even though I have been anxious and eager to get it submitted, I have wanted to trust Him for His perfect timing. Learning to trust in the Sovereignty of God over every area of my life has been so liberating. As my pastor so often says, "God is faithful. You can trust Him."

I am so excited about seeing the cover and being close to the actual completion of this project, I just had to share it with all of you.

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