Not Feeling Alone
I take a lot of good-natured teasing from John and friends about my blogging and Facebooking. Last night at our small group, John laughed and joked about my "openness" by saying, "So much for having a personal life when you're married to a cyber-gal!" And he's right, there is virtually nothing I won't share unless specifically asked not to.
I have only blogged about John's CLL since he gave me his blessing to do so. And there are many reasons why I share what we're going through. One reason I write is, it's simply the most efficient way to keep friends and family informed of the latest. Another reason is so that everyone who cares about us will know how to pray. John expressed last night how overwhelming it is for him to know how many people are constantly keeping him in their prayers. And I reminded him that you can only be overwhelmed with praying friends if you let them into your private world. (Not that I'm trying to take credit...hahaha...okay, I am taking credit).
In addition to those reasons, writing serves as an outlet for my thoughts and emotions. I am definitely a talker, but writing is quite often even more therapeutic for me than talking. I have always preferred to express myself in writing whenever possible. Some people like this about me and others have found it laborious. I'm not saying it is always a good thing, but it's how God made me.
And, last but not least, a very important motivation for me to share in such a public way is that I am oh-so-aware of how much it helps to simply know that we are not alone in our struggles. Since John's diagnosis, especially while he was still wanting to keep his CLL private, I found online support groups where I could reach out to others who knew the emotional roller coaster I was on. My favorite support group became a site called CLL Christian Friends. I found the most loving, supportive group of people who were all affected by CLL in some way. Some contributors are patients themselves and others are caregivers with spouses, parents, siblings or children diagnosed with CLL. I found more than information there. I found caring people whom I now consider my friends. They reached out, listened, and prayed for people like me who were just beginning their roller coaster ride. Those new friends could understand what I was going through better than many of my "real life" friends because they were riding the same roller coaster and, once you join this cancer "club," there are so many things that do not have to be explained to you because you just know. You share the same experience.
In my little online CLL community, I am constantly reminded that we are not alone on this journey. Others know and understand. Some have a much tougher road currently than we do. And once I got my bearings, I had the opportunity to offer that same "You are not alone" support that was there for me.
Well, cancer is not the only area of my life where I have wanted to reach out to others with the message of "You are not alone." Wanting others to feel less alone on their journeys out of bondage and deception was a big part of why I wrote my book, Breaking the Chains. My inspiration for sharing my life and my testimony came out of a long list of desires, actually. There wasn't just one motivation for writing the book. But wanting to convey hope and make others (with similar wounds to mine) feel less alone was secondary only to proclaiming the message of the cross. Nobody has to explain to me what this particular journey (out of bondage and deception) feels like because I've lived the journey, and I know. I know the struggles. I know the fears, anxieties and losses that come with it.
I know that a lot of people cannot relate to my compulsion to write at length about whatever I'm going through or whatever God is teaching me through my struggles. But there are those who do. And there are those who occasionally feel encouraged by something I write and communicate that to me, which always makes my day. It seems like whenever I am feeling like such a dork for being so expressive, I get an email from someone. It happened many times while I was writing the book and pushing through anxiety. It is almost as if God knows exactly when I need some affirming words and He provides them. I got one of these emails this morning and it meant so much to me, I just wanted to share it on my blog. Emails like this assure me that I am occasionally helping someone.
*************************************
Shari,
I am so excited for you! Nine months in coming - how appropriate since you have labored hard and long over this ‘baby’.
I liked what you said in your blog post about the experience turning into a healing process for you. I know it helps me when I put my thoughts, however jumbled they may be, onto the blog. It’s like letting poison out of a wound.
I have been following John’s treatment progress with your blogs - once again, thank you for being so open with your experiences. I have an aunt and uncle who are going through a similar experience and I forward your blogs on to my aunt. Reading about those who are going through similar experiences is encouraging - it lets you know you are not alone.
This brings me back full circle to spiritual abuse. When you write of your love for those left behind in the cult, I understand completely. I have a friend of twenty years that I left behind. I tried to reach out her - but it ended in disastrous results.... Thanks for being brave enough to share yourself - it will bless many others.
I have only blogged about John's CLL since he gave me his blessing to do so. And there are many reasons why I share what we're going through. One reason I write is, it's simply the most efficient way to keep friends and family informed of the latest. Another reason is so that everyone who cares about us will know how to pray. John expressed last night how overwhelming it is for him to know how many people are constantly keeping him in their prayers. And I reminded him that you can only be overwhelmed with praying friends if you let them into your private world. (Not that I'm trying to take credit...hahaha...okay, I am taking credit).
In addition to those reasons, writing serves as an outlet for my thoughts and emotions. I am definitely a talker, but writing is quite often even more therapeutic for me than talking. I have always preferred to express myself in writing whenever possible. Some people like this about me and others have found it laborious. I'm not saying it is always a good thing, but it's how God made me.
And, last but not least, a very important motivation for me to share in such a public way is that I am oh-so-aware of how much it helps to simply know that we are not alone in our struggles. Since John's diagnosis, especially while he was still wanting to keep his CLL private, I found online support groups where I could reach out to others who knew the emotional roller coaster I was on. My favorite support group became a site called CLL Christian Friends. I found the most loving, supportive group of people who were all affected by CLL in some way. Some contributors are patients themselves and others are caregivers with spouses, parents, siblings or children diagnosed with CLL. I found more than information there. I found caring people whom I now consider my friends. They reached out, listened, and prayed for people like me who were just beginning their roller coaster ride. Those new friends could understand what I was going through better than many of my "real life" friends because they were riding the same roller coaster and, once you join this cancer "club," there are so many things that do not have to be explained to you because you just know. You share the same experience.
In my little online CLL community, I am constantly reminded that we are not alone on this journey. Others know and understand. Some have a much tougher road currently than we do. And once I got my bearings, I had the opportunity to offer that same "You are not alone" support that was there for me.
Well, cancer is not the only area of my life where I have wanted to reach out to others with the message of "You are not alone." Wanting others to feel less alone on their journeys out of bondage and deception was a big part of why I wrote my book, Breaking the Chains. My inspiration for sharing my life and my testimony came out of a long list of desires, actually. There wasn't just one motivation for writing the book. But wanting to convey hope and make others (with similar wounds to mine) feel less alone was secondary only to proclaiming the message of the cross. Nobody has to explain to me what this particular journey (out of bondage and deception) feels like because I've lived the journey, and I know. I know the struggles. I know the fears, anxieties and losses that come with it.
I know that a lot of people cannot relate to my compulsion to write at length about whatever I'm going through or whatever God is teaching me through my struggles. But there are those who do. And there are those who occasionally feel encouraged by something I write and communicate that to me, which always makes my day. It seems like whenever I am feeling like such a dork for being so expressive, I get an email from someone. It happened many times while I was writing the book and pushing through anxiety. It is almost as if God knows exactly when I need some affirming words and He provides them. I got one of these emails this morning and it meant so much to me, I just wanted to share it on my blog. Emails like this assure me that I am occasionally helping someone.
*************************************
Shari,
I am so excited for you! Nine months in coming - how appropriate since you have labored hard and long over this ‘baby’.
I liked what you said in your blog post about the experience turning into a healing process for you. I know it helps me when I put my thoughts, however jumbled they may be, onto the blog. It’s like letting poison out of a wound.
I have been following John’s treatment progress with your blogs - once again, thank you for being so open with your experiences. I have an aunt and uncle who are going through a similar experience and I forward your blogs on to my aunt. Reading about those who are going through similar experiences is encouraging - it lets you know you are not alone.
This brings me back full circle to spiritual abuse. When you write of your love for those left behind in the cult, I understand completely. I have a friend of twenty years that I left behind. I tried to reach out her - but it ended in disastrous results.... Thanks for being brave enough to share yourself - it will bless many others.
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