Hoping tomorrow is a better day...

Well, so much for my hope that Round Two would not be as bad as Round One. It almost seems worse to me. John says he is not worse than after the first round, but he is still very nauseous even with the anti-nausea meds. And it's lasting longer this time. His last infusion of Round One was on a Friday and the severe nausea hit him on Saturday afternoon. Sunday morning I got him the prescriptions and by Sunday evening, he was getting some relief. He didn't feel a lot better until Tuesday, but the worst only lasted a day and a half.

This time his last infusion was Thursday and he was starting to feel bad already on the day of the last infusion. He didn't seem too bad Thursday night, but he has spent the last two days in bed, hardly coming out of our bedroom at all. He is drinking lots of ginger ale, but he says that even trying to think about what he might be able to eat is nauseating. Anything that comes to his mind makes him feel sicker.

All he has eaten today is a few bites of an apple and a piece of sourdough toast. He's lost a lot of weight and looks so thin to me. I know missing a few meals isn't going to hurt him in the overall scheme of things. I'm not pressing him to eat at all. It's just so hard to see him still feeling this bad. I thought with the anti-nausea medication he would not feel quite so bad this time. And it seems worse. I'm really surprised that it has lasted longer than the first time, too. But they did tell us at the outset of treatment that the side effects of chemo are cumulative and he wouldn't feel as bad after Round One as he could potentially feel after Round Three. Right now I cannot even imagine Round Three. I'm so thankful he is going to have three weeks without treatment before he has to do this again.

I apologize for sounding so blue. I'm really fine; just a bit melancholy. But there is nothing anyone can do. It just helps to talk about it. I don't want to call and whine to anybody. Writing on my blog is good enough. We don't need a thing other than prayers. I guess all the quiet is just getting to me tonight. I miss John's smile, his jokes and the laughter that is normally in this house.

I'm thankful this won't last much longer.

It is so hard to watch someone you love suffer like this and not be able to do a single thing to make it better. If I can do nothing but keep his glass filled with ginger ale, I'm thankful I can do something. But this is definitely the most useless I have felt in a very long time.

I did get out of the house for a little while earlier in the day. I was asked to give an interview to a college student (the daughter of a friend) who is doing a report on abuse. She is a communications major going into the field of broadcast journalism and we did an on camera interview. She was going to come here, but John was concerned about anyone coming into the house who might even possibly bring a germ. (She's not sick, but there is so much going around right now.) So I asked if I could come to her. I was a little nervous about the on camera part, but she asked good questions and once I started talking, I forgot about the camera. I think I was extra talkative because there is no conversation at home right now. LOL.

I appreciate your prayers so much for John, and I wouldn't mind a prayer or two going up for me tonight either. I need to stay strong and not let my emotions get the best of me.