Compassionate or Stupid?

I will probably regret owning up to this at some point, but it so goes to the core of who I am, I just have to confess. It will make me look stupid to some, gullible to others; but probably just like a bleeding heart to those of you who actually know me well.

I was on my way to meet friends for lunch yesterday while the governor of Illinois was making his case to those who were deciding whether or not to impeach him. For as long as this case has been in the news, my impression of this man has been "Slimeball." I did not feel sorry for him. I did not believe he was innocent. I was appalled.

I arrived at the restaurant a little bit early and I sat in my car and listened until his speech ended. I didn't hear the beginning, only the second half. But by the time he finished speaking, I was feeling sorry for him. I was thinking that maybe he wasn't guilty. Maybe this HAD been an unfair rush to judgment. I got out of my car thinking that his arguments had been strong enough to at least make some of those men and women have second thoughts. I actually wondered if he would in fact be impeached.

After my four hour lunch, I tuned back in to Fox on my satellite radio. I was eager to hear what the vote was and if it had been close. I am just cracking up at myself as I admit to this. I finally heard that the vote was unanimous to impeach him. All the commentators were in essence mocking him for the UNconvincing defense he presented. They said that perhaps, if he had made a case on the legalities, he might have had a chance. But instead he chose to make an emotional plea and sell himself as a person and politician; talking about all of his accomplishments and the unfairness he was being subjected to. They were all saying that when he finished, there was no doubt in anyone's mind what the outcome of the vote would be.

And I thought: There was doubt in MY mind. What is wrong with me? Why am I so easily taken in? Why do I give people the benefit of the doubt so easily?

I tend to listen to everyone as though their every word is genuine. If I doubt that, I feel like I'm being a cynic. I wonder why I'm this way. I wonder if it's because I have felt misunderstood so often in my own life.

I'll never forget the conversation Danny and I had once where I was saying that I believed a certain person was genuine, just unnatural. And Danny said, "Mom, I'd like to meet the person you DON'T think is genuine."

That experience yesterday left me feeling somewhat like an idiot. So what do I do? Announce that on my blog. LOL. Oh well, as I told John yesterday, I'm glad I can at least laugh at myself.

Since I posted this, I've gotten two private responses. My husband called and told me that, yes, I'm pretty goofy. We laughed and then he told me about some of the wiretaps I had not heard. My son told me that this doesn't make me an idiot, just puts me in situations where I can really be hurt... "and that is why we worry." I wonder if anyone will actually leave a comment or if everyone will only laugh with me in private. It's okay to make fun of me. I can take it.