Friendship and Loss (Wed. morning version)
I posted most of this last night before bed. But I got up this morning and inserted a few more sentences here and there. So if you've already read it, it has a few new thoughts this morning.
I have so much going on this week, I really don't know how much I will be able to read. It seems like life has been extra busy lately. And early this morning, one of my closest friends lost her mother. So we'll have the visitation and funeral to attend Thursday and Friday. As I spoke to her on the phone tonight and she described the deep pain inside, I knew exactly what she felt. I lost my mom when I was 28 years old and I thought I was prepared, since she was terminally ill for seven months before her death. But I learned through that experience that you cannot be completely prepared for the death of someone close to you even when you know it's coming. And not even when your mom is 84. You only think you can until it actually happens. She described the strange feeling of seeing her mom's number on her cell phone and knowing she'll never call and hear her voice again. She described the numbness and the grief that overcame her when she went back to her mom's house (from the hospital) and saw her mom's purse. I know. I couldn't look at any kind of greeting card to or from a mother without tears for five years. I didn't expect to feel that depth of hurting for that many years. But I had never lost my mom.
I'm sad that I know my friend's pain, and yet I'm grateful that I truly understand. This is one of the ways God uses everything for our good and redeems our suffering. Through our own suffering we are equipped to be more compassionate and empathetic friends to one another. How much could we have to offer a hurting person if we ourselves have never suffered? There is such comfort in the words of a friend when you know they have felt what you're feeling and survived. My friend said to me tonight, "You think you know what it must feel like until it actually happens to you."
This is so true of life in general. When someone goes through a painful divorce and we've never suffered that experience, we know it's hard and it's painful -- but we don't really know what they feel. When someone has a child with life-threatening health problems, we love and support them -- but we don't really know what they're going through if we haven't experienced it. When someone is battling cancer, we pray for them and we try to imagine the struggle both physically and emotionally -- but we don't really know what it's like to face it ourselves, unless we have. When someone has suffered rejection from a parent or been abused and we've had loving parents, we feel bad for them -- but we don't know or understand the depth of their wounds or how easily they are reopened.
I could go on and on listing examples. It isn't necessary because you can do the same. I just think it's important to keep this in mind at all times. It's so easy to live in our own little worlds and never even try to put ourselves in the shoes of others. Even if we can only imagine their pain, reminding ourselves of that will increase our capacity for compassion. Behind a person's words and actions, especially those you may not be able to understand, you will often discover their wounds.
This probably sounds like I'm very sad. But I'm not. I have such a deep thankfulness in my heart on so many levels tonight. And a couple of phone conversations stirred these thoughts.
My daughter-in-law called me today just to talk and I felt so thankful that we have a close relationship. Then my friend called me tonight after getting a couple of messages from me and we talked about how much we love each other and value the depth of our friendship. I knew it was a comfort to her that I could understand and relate to her pain. Whether we get together as often as we'd like to or not, we know we're here for one another. She knows she can lean on me in the weeks ahead. And I know that when I need to lean on her, she'll be there for me. I know the day will come when I will need to lean. And I'm so thankful that I am surrounded by so much love. One fear I do not have is the fear of ever facing anything alone. And through the things I have suffered, I know that God has equipped me to reach out and comfort others who are hurting -- making sure they don't feel alone. I'm thankful for that, even though the way God equips us is through difficult and challenging experiences and losses of our own.
God is so good. In addition to Jesus, He has given us true friends for our journey. If our true friends include our family members, we are even more blessed. But we can have friends who surpass the bonds of a natural family. God is not limited to providing a brother or sister (or even a mom) through a gene pool. God has given me a surrogate for every relationship I don't have. He supplies all our needs.
At times like this, I think about the people on this planet who do not enjoy the wealth of friends and close relationships that are abundant in my life. There are so many people who are truly alone. And I am not only thankful, I am humbled. I do not know why God has been so good and so merciful to me. I will never know, nor will I ever understand. I don't feel worthy. I don't even feel lovable so much of the time. But I am so grateful and so humbled by His love.
I have so much going on this week, I really don't know how much I will be able to read. It seems like life has been extra busy lately. And early this morning, one of my closest friends lost her mother. So we'll have the visitation and funeral to attend Thursday and Friday. As I spoke to her on the phone tonight and she described the deep pain inside, I knew exactly what she felt. I lost my mom when I was 28 years old and I thought I was prepared, since she was terminally ill for seven months before her death. But I learned through that experience that you cannot be completely prepared for the death of someone close to you even when you know it's coming. And not even when your mom is 84. You only think you can until it actually happens. She described the strange feeling of seeing her mom's number on her cell phone and knowing she'll never call and hear her voice again. She described the numbness and the grief that overcame her when she went back to her mom's house (from the hospital) and saw her mom's purse. I know. I couldn't look at any kind of greeting card to or from a mother without tears for five years. I didn't expect to feel that depth of hurting for that many years. But I had never lost my mom.
I'm sad that I know my friend's pain, and yet I'm grateful that I truly understand. This is one of the ways God uses everything for our good and redeems our suffering. Through our own suffering we are equipped to be more compassionate and empathetic friends to one another. How much could we have to offer a hurting person if we ourselves have never suffered? There is such comfort in the words of a friend when you know they have felt what you're feeling and survived. My friend said to me tonight, "You think you know what it must feel like until it actually happens to you."
This is so true of life in general. When someone goes through a painful divorce and we've never suffered that experience, we know it's hard and it's painful -- but we don't really know what they feel. When someone has a child with life-threatening health problems, we love and support them -- but we don't really know what they're going through if we haven't experienced it. When someone is battling cancer, we pray for them and we try to imagine the struggle both physically and emotionally -- but we don't really know what it's like to face it ourselves, unless we have. When someone has suffered rejection from a parent or been abused and we've had loving parents, we feel bad for them -- but we don't know or understand the depth of their wounds or how easily they are reopened.
I could go on and on listing examples. It isn't necessary because you can do the same. I just think it's important to keep this in mind at all times. It's so easy to live in our own little worlds and never even try to put ourselves in the shoes of others. Even if we can only imagine their pain, reminding ourselves of that will increase our capacity for compassion. Behind a person's words and actions, especially those you may not be able to understand, you will often discover their wounds.
This probably sounds like I'm very sad. But I'm not. I have such a deep thankfulness in my heart on so many levels tonight. And a couple of phone conversations stirred these thoughts.
My daughter-in-law called me today just to talk and I felt so thankful that we have a close relationship. Then my friend called me tonight after getting a couple of messages from me and we talked about how much we love each other and value the depth of our friendship. I knew it was a comfort to her that I could understand and relate to her pain. Whether we get together as often as we'd like to or not, we know we're here for one another. She knows she can lean on me in the weeks ahead. And I know that when I need to lean on her, she'll be there for me. I know the day will come when I will need to lean. And I'm so thankful that I am surrounded by so much love. One fear I do not have is the fear of ever facing anything alone. And through the things I have suffered, I know that God has equipped me to reach out and comfort others who are hurting -- making sure they don't feel alone. I'm thankful for that, even though the way God equips us is through difficult and challenging experiences and losses of our own.
God is so good. In addition to Jesus, He has given us true friends for our journey. If our true friends include our family members, we are even more blessed. But we can have friends who surpass the bonds of a natural family. God is not limited to providing a brother or sister (or even a mom) through a gene pool. God has given me a surrogate for every relationship I don't have. He supplies all our needs.
At times like this, I think about the people on this planet who do not enjoy the wealth of friends and close relationships that are abundant in my life. There are so many people who are truly alone. And I am not only thankful, I am humbled. I do not know why God has been so good and so merciful to me. I will never know, nor will I ever understand. I don't feel worthy. I don't even feel lovable so much of the time. But I am so grateful and so humbled by His love.
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