What makes me angry?
Danny was asked to teach an adult Sunday School class at Covenant this morning and he invited John and me to come. Tomorrow is my birthday and we had already planned to spend the afternoon with Danny, Rebecca and the boys at our house. But when he told us he was teaching this morning and invited us to come if we didn't mind the drive, we decided to go out there instead. I'm so glad we did. We had a wonderful day. And I got to hear Danny teach an adult class for the first time. He spoke about anger and sin. If you also read his blog, you know that he has shared a few quotes this week on the subject. (http://abundantredemption.blogspot.com/)
We all know the scripture, "Be angry and sin not." He spoke about that and covered a number of aspects of anger and sin. But the part that made the strongest impression on me was where he began. He began with our hearts. He asked all of us in the class this question; "What makes you angry?" And he shared some of the things that make him angry.
Stop and think about it if you have a moment. You don't have to share your mental list with anyone else. Just think realistically about some of the things that really make you angry, things that get a response out of you. If we can be painfully honest with ourselves, the exercise will give us a glimpse into our hearts.
Danny talked about how angry he would understandably and rightfully be if someone broke into his house and were threatening to harm his family. He wouldn't be a good dad or husband if a violation of his family did not anger him. And it would be necessary for him to put his anger into action to protect those he loved.
He also talked about some of the other things that make him angry. Trivial things; like some old guy pulling out in front of him and going well below the speed limit when he's already running late or when his favorite basketball team loses. Most of our anger is sinful and selfish, reflecting our own personal expectations and desires (like the trivial examples), our pride, our ego, someone not showing respect for us or for our time like we feel they should, etc.
Are we more likely to be angry about these kinds of things than we are in response to injustices done to others? Does the injustice have to happen to us to warrant anger and a response?
Danny used a handful of examples to show how anger is the result of us protecting something we love from being threatened or violated. Therefore, we can reflect on what makes us angry (and what doesn't) and discover what we truly love most. Do we truly love others or do we just love ourselves? Our "list" will provide the real answers.
I don't think I have to give all the examples in my head right now to illustrate this point. We can all think of our own skewed priorities when we honestly reflect on what provokes our anger and what doesn't. We are all guilty. We all need God to show us our hearts.
This thought about "protecting" something brought back another heart-examining tool I was given a long time ago by a Christian counselor. I told him something someone said to me and he asked the question, "Did you feel defensive when this was said?" In this particular instance we were discussing, I said, "Actually, I didn't. The accusation was ridiculous and completely baseless. And that's how I felt about it -- like it wasn't even worth defending." I had no idea why he was asking me that question. But here's what he said. "Good. Because any time you feel defensive, you're protecting something. When there's nothing to protect, you won't feel your defenses coming up. But when you go into a defensive stance, it's because there is at least some truth to what is being said and you have to protect yourself from light being shown on that truth." Wow. What a powerful tool he gave me that day.
I have never forgotten those words. From that day until this, I have used that tool to expose (to myself) what I'm trying to protect. It can be big or small. I remember one time when John came home earlier than I expected him. We were going out of town and he'd told me he wasn't going to work a full day. But he, like most men, doesn't like to be pinned down to a specific time. His business is unpredictable and sometimes he just cannot leave when he wants to. I understand that. So I just didn't ask. I can't remember the exact details, but it seems like he had mentioned a time he wanted to be home by and I knew he had to pack before we could leave. So I was taking my time and piddling around as usual. I think I wasted some time on the computer and talking on the phone. And then he showed up much sooner than I had planned for and said that he'd meant he wanted to be on the road by that time. I got very defensive and went into this long dissertation about that not being what he'd SAID and how I would have been ready if he'd only told me but I didn't want to make him feel locked into a time so I hadn't asked, yadda yadda yadda. I mounted a vigorous defense of my justified "unreadiness" (if that's a word).
I'll never forget the look on his face or how he responded. He looked at me kind of puzzled and said, "I don't care when we leave. I didn't complain that you weren't ready. Why are you getting so defensive? It's no big deal. You sound like you think I'm going to jump all over you. Have I ever done that?" No, he truthfully never has. And I immediately thought about Floyd's words a few years prior.
I realized I was defensive because I felt guilty that I was going to be the one holding us up. I'd had all day and piddled it away. So from my own self-inflicted guilt, I had to present a case in my defense in order for ME to deal with my own guilt. And I had to laugh at myself (and repent to my husband). Fortunately, I am married to man who just does not react to things in a negative way. It's really easy to humble down and apologize when someone is always kind to you -- even in your worst moments as a human being.
That's how our relationship with God should be. We don't need to get defensive and "represent" ourselves with a well-orchestrated defense. We just need to accept His graciousness and kindness to us and ask forgiveness rather than deceiving ourselves that we are not guilty. I have found my defensiveness to be a very good guilt barometer.
Jesus took our guilt and shame upon Himself. He became sin for us. If we will only accept what He has done for us and stop trying to convince others and ourselves that we are blameless, we can have forgiveness and all our transgressions blotted out. How often do we choose, instead, to convince ourselves we don't need forgiveness. How often do we convince ourselves that we are loving others when we are really just loving ourselves?
The answers to these questions are often not pretty. They reveal a heart we want to live in denial of. But to receive God's mercy, we must first be broken. We must acknowledge our condition before we can truly understand our desperate need of a Savior. We never stop desperately needing our Savior.
At the conclusion of Danny's class, he talked about how much we want to be angry about the things that make God angry and how much we want to stop getting angry over selfish and petty things. But we're human and we're fallen and we can't always do the things we long to do. We don't measure up. And still we so often deceive ourselves.
We deserve death every day because of our sin against our Holy God. But God offers us life, mercy and forgiveness through faith in His Son. He not only bore our sin and God's wrath on the Cross, but He lived the life of perfect obedience that we cannot. God provided the sacrifice for our sin and our inadequacies. He was wounded for our transgressions. We must simply acknowledge our sin, repent and be covered by the blood of Jesus. HE is our righteousness.
I left Sunday School this morning with a new tool for monitoring my heart. I need to start keeping a mental list of what makes me angry and what doesn't, along with what makes me defensive. I love it when God gives me a new tool.
We all know the scripture, "Be angry and sin not." He spoke about that and covered a number of aspects of anger and sin. But the part that made the strongest impression on me was where he began. He began with our hearts. He asked all of us in the class this question; "What makes you angry?" And he shared some of the things that make him angry.
Stop and think about it if you have a moment. You don't have to share your mental list with anyone else. Just think realistically about some of the things that really make you angry, things that get a response out of you. If we can be painfully honest with ourselves, the exercise will give us a glimpse into our hearts.
Danny talked about how angry he would understandably and rightfully be if someone broke into his house and were threatening to harm his family. He wouldn't be a good dad or husband if a violation of his family did not anger him. And it would be necessary for him to put his anger into action to protect those he loved.
He also talked about some of the other things that make him angry. Trivial things; like some old guy pulling out in front of him and going well below the speed limit when he's already running late or when his favorite basketball team loses. Most of our anger is sinful and selfish, reflecting our own personal expectations and desires (like the trivial examples), our pride, our ego, someone not showing respect for us or for our time like we feel they should, etc.
Are we more likely to be angry about these kinds of things than we are in response to injustices done to others? Does the injustice have to happen to us to warrant anger and a response?
Danny used a handful of examples to show how anger is the result of us protecting something we love from being threatened or violated. Therefore, we can reflect on what makes us angry (and what doesn't) and discover what we truly love most. Do we truly love others or do we just love ourselves? Our "list" will provide the real answers.
I don't think I have to give all the examples in my head right now to illustrate this point. We can all think of our own skewed priorities when we honestly reflect on what provokes our anger and what doesn't. We are all guilty. We all need God to show us our hearts.
This thought about "protecting" something brought back another heart-examining tool I was given a long time ago by a Christian counselor. I told him something someone said to me and he asked the question, "Did you feel defensive when this was said?" In this particular instance we were discussing, I said, "Actually, I didn't. The accusation was ridiculous and completely baseless. And that's how I felt about it -- like it wasn't even worth defending." I had no idea why he was asking me that question. But here's what he said. "Good. Because any time you feel defensive, you're protecting something. When there's nothing to protect, you won't feel your defenses coming up. But when you go into a defensive stance, it's because there is at least some truth to what is being said and you have to protect yourself from light being shown on that truth." Wow. What a powerful tool he gave me that day.
I have never forgotten those words. From that day until this, I have used that tool to expose (to myself) what I'm trying to protect. It can be big or small. I remember one time when John came home earlier than I expected him. We were going out of town and he'd told me he wasn't going to work a full day. But he, like most men, doesn't like to be pinned down to a specific time. His business is unpredictable and sometimes he just cannot leave when he wants to. I understand that. So I just didn't ask. I can't remember the exact details, but it seems like he had mentioned a time he wanted to be home by and I knew he had to pack before we could leave. So I was taking my time and piddling around as usual. I think I wasted some time on the computer and talking on the phone. And then he showed up much sooner than I had planned for and said that he'd meant he wanted to be on the road by that time. I got very defensive and went into this long dissertation about that not being what he'd SAID and how I would have been ready if he'd only told me but I didn't want to make him feel locked into a time so I hadn't asked, yadda yadda yadda. I mounted a vigorous defense of my justified "unreadiness" (if that's a word).
I'll never forget the look on his face or how he responded. He looked at me kind of puzzled and said, "I don't care when we leave. I didn't complain that you weren't ready. Why are you getting so defensive? It's no big deal. You sound like you think I'm going to jump all over you. Have I ever done that?" No, he truthfully never has. And I immediately thought about Floyd's words a few years prior.
I realized I was defensive because I felt guilty that I was going to be the one holding us up. I'd had all day and piddled it away. So from my own self-inflicted guilt, I had to present a case in my defense in order for ME to deal with my own guilt. And I had to laugh at myself (and repent to my husband). Fortunately, I am married to man who just does not react to things in a negative way. It's really easy to humble down and apologize when someone is always kind to you -- even in your worst moments as a human being.
That's how our relationship with God should be. We don't need to get defensive and "represent" ourselves with a well-orchestrated defense. We just need to accept His graciousness and kindness to us and ask forgiveness rather than deceiving ourselves that we are not guilty. I have found my defensiveness to be a very good guilt barometer.
Jesus took our guilt and shame upon Himself. He became sin for us. If we will only accept what He has done for us and stop trying to convince others and ourselves that we are blameless, we can have forgiveness and all our transgressions blotted out. How often do we choose, instead, to convince ourselves we don't need forgiveness. How often do we convince ourselves that we are loving others when we are really just loving ourselves?
The answers to these questions are often not pretty. They reveal a heart we want to live in denial of. But to receive God's mercy, we must first be broken. We must acknowledge our condition before we can truly understand our desperate need of a Savior. We never stop desperately needing our Savior.
At the conclusion of Danny's class, he talked about how much we want to be angry about the things that make God angry and how much we want to stop getting angry over selfish and petty things. But we're human and we're fallen and we can't always do the things we long to do. We don't measure up. And still we so often deceive ourselves.
We deserve death every day because of our sin against our Holy God. But God offers us life, mercy and forgiveness through faith in His Son. He not only bore our sin and God's wrath on the Cross, but He lived the life of perfect obedience that we cannot. God provided the sacrifice for our sin and our inadequacies. He was wounded for our transgressions. We must simply acknowledge our sin, repent and be covered by the blood of Jesus. HE is our righteousness.
I left Sunday School this morning with a new tool for monitoring my heart. I need to start keeping a mental list of what makes me angry and what doesn't, along with what makes me defensive. I love it when God gives me a new tool.
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