New Book
I am beginning a new book with my small group. It's a book that was recommended by a friend. It's called "Slightly Bad Girls of the Bible: Flawed women loved by a flawless God." The other night I read the introduction and the first chapter about Sarah.
In the introduction, the author is confessing about what a controlling mother she can be at times. She did not sugar-coat her behavior, but told a painful story about how she had inflicted pain on her son. The conflict was over his college choice (which was not her choice FOR him.) Her words really stood out to me in light of recent discussions on forgiveness and the wounds we carry. The pain she inflicted on her son seems so, so minor in comparison to the deep wounds of childhood some very close to me carry. And yet, this mother shows such humility. She makes no excuses for her unkindness or the pain she caused her son. She does not feel entitled to his forgiveness. On the contrary, she tells us she does not deserve a son who forgives so generously. I want this humility in my life.
"What kind of Christian mother manipulates her child, belittles her husband, and throws temper tantrums at the dinner table?
This kind, I'm afraid.
As the apostle Paul said, 'I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out.' Amen, brother, and don't I know it.
When I finally calmed down, asked everyone's forgiveness -- individually and collectively...peace was restored in the Higgs household.
But I don't fool myself. Damage was done, and wounds were inflicted, requiring time to repair and heal.
Even two years later, when I sent these pages to my sophomore son for him to critique, he e-mailed me and admitted, 'This brought tears to my eyes, Mother. I'm sorry I disappointed you so much.'
Groan.
I wrote back at once. 'The problem was all mine, sweet boy. You are exactly where God wanted you to be, which is wonderful...'
That's the problem with sin: its influence lingers. My ten-minute tirade still has the power to hurt my precious son, years after the fact. No matter what I say or do now, he will remember what I said and did then. God forgives our sins completely, yet the consequences remain. Spoken words can never be unspoken. Even so, my son closed his comments with, 'Please don't beat yourself up, Mom. You don't deserve it.'
What I truly don't deserve is a son who extends forgiveness so generously.
...From the first page of his Word to the last, God reveals our badness and his goodness. Our neediness and his provision. Our brokenness and his healing touch. That's the beauty of the Bible: 'It shows us life and people as they really are, not as we wish them to be.' It shows us the truth about God and about ourselves. I, for one, am grateful to learn our biblical ancestors were flawed. Knowing God loved this imperfect patriarchal family, we can be sure there's hope for us all."
If you know of someone who has been much more deeply wounded than the son in this story, please remember the words of this author.
"God forgives our sins completely, yet the consequences remain. Spoken words can never be unspoken."
"That's the problem with sin: its influence lingers."
In the introduction, the author is confessing about what a controlling mother she can be at times. She did not sugar-coat her behavior, but told a painful story about how she had inflicted pain on her son. The conflict was over his college choice (which was not her choice FOR him.) Her words really stood out to me in light of recent discussions on forgiveness and the wounds we carry. The pain she inflicted on her son seems so, so minor in comparison to the deep wounds of childhood some very close to me carry. And yet, this mother shows such humility. She makes no excuses for her unkindness or the pain she caused her son. She does not feel entitled to his forgiveness. On the contrary, she tells us she does not deserve a son who forgives so generously. I want this humility in my life.
"What kind of Christian mother manipulates her child, belittles her husband, and throws temper tantrums at the dinner table?
This kind, I'm afraid.
As the apostle Paul said, 'I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out.' Amen, brother, and don't I know it.
When I finally calmed down, asked everyone's forgiveness -- individually and collectively...peace was restored in the Higgs household.
But I don't fool myself. Damage was done, and wounds were inflicted, requiring time to repair and heal.
Even two years later, when I sent these pages to my sophomore son for him to critique, he e-mailed me and admitted, 'This brought tears to my eyes, Mother. I'm sorry I disappointed you so much.'
Groan.
I wrote back at once. 'The problem was all mine, sweet boy. You are exactly where God wanted you to be, which is wonderful...'
That's the problem with sin: its influence lingers. My ten-minute tirade still has the power to hurt my precious son, years after the fact. No matter what I say or do now, he will remember what I said and did then. God forgives our sins completely, yet the consequences remain. Spoken words can never be unspoken. Even so, my son closed his comments with, 'Please don't beat yourself up, Mom. You don't deserve it.'
What I truly don't deserve is a son who extends forgiveness so generously.
...From the first page of his Word to the last, God reveals our badness and his goodness. Our neediness and his provision. Our brokenness and his healing touch. That's the beauty of the Bible: 'It shows us life and people as they really are, not as we wish them to be.' It shows us the truth about God and about ourselves. I, for one, am grateful to learn our biblical ancestors were flawed. Knowing God loved this imperfect patriarchal family, we can be sure there's hope for us all."
If you know of someone who has been much more deeply wounded than the son in this story, please remember the words of this author.
"God forgives our sins completely, yet the consequences remain. Spoken words can never be unspoken."
"That's the problem with sin: its influence lingers."
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