Suffering, Chains and God's Sovereign Grace
I want to share this You Tube video with any of you who might be interested in watching it. It is a moving testimony of someone who believes, through their suffering, that God chose for them to suffer.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0WT_WUOyud4
I watched this video quite a while back. This man witnessed to me in a powerful way. I will never forget him or his testimony. And I am humbled by his attitude toward his suffering.
Last night was one of those nights when I woke up around 3:00 a.m. and couldn't go back to sleep. But I felt like it was for a reason last night. I needed to pray for someone close to me. And I did. I prayed over and over and over for God's mercy and for my loved one to have God's peace and comfort. I also prayed that God's purpose would be fulfilled and His will would be done through this situation -- because I know there is a purpose. I believe with all my heart that God has a purpose for everything we go through if we are His children.
While I was lying in bed awake last night, I again pondered God's Sovereignty and the necessity for God to humble me and remind me of my dependence upon Him. I felt impressed to "be humbled."
I tend to scrutinize my words and thoughts obsessively. When I write on my blog, I just write from my heart. I am not trying to convince anyone to believe what I believe. I'm sharing my journey and my search for more truth about God. Sometimes I do that by reflecting on past beliefs, as well. But sometimes after I write about something, I reflect on it and pick my words apart in my head -- wondering if I could have said it better or differently. That's why I sometimes go back and edit a word or two, add a paragraph, etc. This is just a part of my personality.
Somewhere along the road of my life, I picked up this belief that I have to say everything perfectly. And yet I know I never will. But I want to have the humility to acknowledge openly that I am severely inadequate and flawed and will never be able to say things in just the right words.
I am thankful to be surrounded by friends and family who do not expect that of me and who love me just as I am -- with all my cracks and warts. That is such an amazing gift in life; to have the unconditional love and acceptance of true friends. I have that at this point in my life to a degree I've never previously experienced (or ever expected to experience). I am literally surrounded by people who seem to have no difficulty in loving me. It's almost a continual shock to my system because I spent so much of my life believing I was very hard to love. But I am so thankful that God gave me both experiences; first, for the value of the contrast and second, for the depth of appreciation I might never have had if I had always felt so loved. It's an amazing gift from God and I want to be the kind of friend who loves others in this way.
Most amazing of all, to me, is having a husband who is that kind of true friend. I have experienced God's love in a fuller way through my marriage to John. I am never on trial with him. He reminds me that he knows my heart. He has never judged me. He has never been unkind to me. He knows my quirks, insecurities and weaknesses. But he looks past them into my heart. He loves and protects me in a way I never experienced before knowing him. And through this experience of being loved, I have been blessed to know God's love for me on a new level because I know that God loves me more than John does. John is such a gift in my life in so many ways. And I love that God has used our marriage to teach me more about HIS love for me.
God has taught me things about Him both through my blessings and through the things I have suffered. But it is the suffering that has helped me to grow in compassion. That's why I know suffering is necessary and that I will go through times of suffering again in the future. There are certain aspects of suffering that I am intimately acquainted with. Having had certain experiences enables me to comfort and encourage others and to feel what they are going through in a more meaningful way. One of these, of course, is the experience of watching my mom die with colon cancer. I know what that looks and feels like. It's something I am intimately acquainted with. It's an experience that stays with you for the rest of your life. I've been getting colonoscopies regularly since my late thirties because I hope to never have colon cancer. But I will have something. And I will one day die.
None of us wants to suffer. But we don't get to choose our path into life or our path out. Both are in God's hands. And if He chooses a path for me that I would not choose for myself, I hope I can embrace it as thankfully as I embrace my blessings. I know that in times of suffering I will always rely upon His mercy, His love for me and His promise that all things work together for my good. He has proven His faithfulness over and over in my life. And no matter what lies ahead for me, I have such a desire to be someone who points others to God through the way I accept His will for my life, even if it involves great suffering.
Because being "tested" is so much a part of my past thinking, a ridiculous fear pops up when I say these things. The fear is: "You better not say that. God might give you cancer -- or something even worse -- just to put you to the test." I am so thankful that I know to reject those thoughts and fears. I know they are not from God. I don't remember anyone ever saying that to me. I'm not suggesting that. But I heard a lot of testimonies and sermons on the subject of being tested, being shaken out, being weeded out, etc. I took those things to heart and seeds of fear were sown into me through them. I remember believing that I was probably just a weed that God would have to pull. And I am so thankful God has delivered me from such a belief, even if I carry a little remaining baggage for the rest of my life. Truthfully, that baggage is not all bad. There is a song that Steven Curtis Chapman wrote years ago. I've always loved it. But it has become even more meaningful in recent years, since I have come out of my shame and into God's grace. It's called, "Remember Your Chains." I can't even read these words without crying tears of gratitude.
There's no one more thankful to sit at the table
Than the one who best remembers hunger's pain
And no heart loves greater than the one that is able
To recall the time when all it knew was shame
The wings of forgiveness can take us to heights never seen
But the wisest ones, they will never lose sight of where they were set free
Love set them free
So remember your chains
Remember the prison that once held you
Before the love of God broke through
Remember the place you were without grace
When you see where you are now
Remember your chains
And remember your chains are gone
Romans 8:15-17
15For you did not receive a spirit that makes you a slave again to fear, but you received the Spirit of sonship. And by him we cry, "Abba, Father." 16The Spirit himself testifies with our spirit that we are God's children. 17Now if we are children, then we are heirs—heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ, if indeed we share in his sufferings in order that we may also share in his glory.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0WT_WUOyud4
I watched this video quite a while back. This man witnessed to me in a powerful way. I will never forget him or his testimony. And I am humbled by his attitude toward his suffering.
Last night was one of those nights when I woke up around 3:00 a.m. and couldn't go back to sleep. But I felt like it was for a reason last night. I needed to pray for someone close to me. And I did. I prayed over and over and over for God's mercy and for my loved one to have God's peace and comfort. I also prayed that God's purpose would be fulfilled and His will would be done through this situation -- because I know there is a purpose. I believe with all my heart that God has a purpose for everything we go through if we are His children.
While I was lying in bed awake last night, I again pondered God's Sovereignty and the necessity for God to humble me and remind me of my dependence upon Him. I felt impressed to "be humbled."
I tend to scrutinize my words and thoughts obsessively. When I write on my blog, I just write from my heart. I am not trying to convince anyone to believe what I believe. I'm sharing my journey and my search for more truth about God. Sometimes I do that by reflecting on past beliefs, as well. But sometimes after I write about something, I reflect on it and pick my words apart in my head -- wondering if I could have said it better or differently. That's why I sometimes go back and edit a word or two, add a paragraph, etc. This is just a part of my personality.
Somewhere along the road of my life, I picked up this belief that I have to say everything perfectly. And yet I know I never will. But I want to have the humility to acknowledge openly that I am severely inadequate and flawed and will never be able to say things in just the right words.
I am thankful to be surrounded by friends and family who do not expect that of me and who love me just as I am -- with all my cracks and warts. That is such an amazing gift in life; to have the unconditional love and acceptance of true friends. I have that at this point in my life to a degree I've never previously experienced (or ever expected to experience). I am literally surrounded by people who seem to have no difficulty in loving me. It's almost a continual shock to my system because I spent so much of my life believing I was very hard to love. But I am so thankful that God gave me both experiences; first, for the value of the contrast and second, for the depth of appreciation I might never have had if I had always felt so loved. It's an amazing gift from God and I want to be the kind of friend who loves others in this way.
Most amazing of all, to me, is having a husband who is that kind of true friend. I have experienced God's love in a fuller way through my marriage to John. I am never on trial with him. He reminds me that he knows my heart. He has never judged me. He has never been unkind to me. He knows my quirks, insecurities and weaknesses. But he looks past them into my heart. He loves and protects me in a way I never experienced before knowing him. And through this experience of being loved, I have been blessed to know God's love for me on a new level because I know that God loves me more than John does. John is such a gift in my life in so many ways. And I love that God has used our marriage to teach me more about HIS love for me.
God has taught me things about Him both through my blessings and through the things I have suffered. But it is the suffering that has helped me to grow in compassion. That's why I know suffering is necessary and that I will go through times of suffering again in the future. There are certain aspects of suffering that I am intimately acquainted with. Having had certain experiences enables me to comfort and encourage others and to feel what they are going through in a more meaningful way. One of these, of course, is the experience of watching my mom die with colon cancer. I know what that looks and feels like. It's something I am intimately acquainted with. It's an experience that stays with you for the rest of your life. I've been getting colonoscopies regularly since my late thirties because I hope to never have colon cancer. But I will have something. And I will one day die.
None of us wants to suffer. But we don't get to choose our path into life or our path out. Both are in God's hands. And if He chooses a path for me that I would not choose for myself, I hope I can embrace it as thankfully as I embrace my blessings. I know that in times of suffering I will always rely upon His mercy, His love for me and His promise that all things work together for my good. He has proven His faithfulness over and over in my life. And no matter what lies ahead for me, I have such a desire to be someone who points others to God through the way I accept His will for my life, even if it involves great suffering.
Because being "tested" is so much a part of my past thinking, a ridiculous fear pops up when I say these things. The fear is: "You better not say that. God might give you cancer -- or something even worse -- just to put you to the test." I am so thankful that I know to reject those thoughts and fears. I know they are not from God. I don't remember anyone ever saying that to me. I'm not suggesting that. But I heard a lot of testimonies and sermons on the subject of being tested, being shaken out, being weeded out, etc. I took those things to heart and seeds of fear were sown into me through them. I remember believing that I was probably just a weed that God would have to pull. And I am so thankful God has delivered me from such a belief, even if I carry a little remaining baggage for the rest of my life. Truthfully, that baggage is not all bad. There is a song that Steven Curtis Chapman wrote years ago. I've always loved it. But it has become even more meaningful in recent years, since I have come out of my shame and into God's grace. It's called, "Remember Your Chains." I can't even read these words without crying tears of gratitude.
There's no one more thankful to sit at the table
Than the one who best remembers hunger's pain
And no heart loves greater than the one that is able
To recall the time when all it knew was shame
The wings of forgiveness can take us to heights never seen
But the wisest ones, they will never lose sight of where they were set free
Love set them free
So remember your chains
Remember the prison that once held you
Before the love of God broke through
Remember the place you were without grace
When you see where you are now
Remember your chains
And remember your chains are gone
Romans 8:15-17
15For you did not receive a spirit that makes you a slave again to fear, but you received the Spirit of sonship. And by him we cry, "Abba, Father." 16The Spirit himself testifies with our spirit that we are God's children. 17Now if we are children, then we are heirs—heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ, if indeed we share in his sufferings in order that we may also share in his glory.
Comments
John is such a gift, Shari, but you are too. He is every bit as much blessed to have you as you are to have him. I'm glad he loves and adores you the way he does because you DESERVE it! I can tell by the way he talks to you and looks at you that you're so unconditionally valued and cherished. It's extremely heartwarming and almost downright sick. LOL
I love you...
I was thinking as I was reading your words how blessed we have been to share a history and to have been on parallel paths for so many years. A history that many cannot relate to. Cheryl and I have talked about that many times. We are so thankful for our close friendship. She is more like a sister to me than a sister-in-law. We have been on a journey for at least the last 10-11 years that has included a lot of pain and disillusionment, but so much growth at the same time. We marvel, in hindsight, at the hand of God we so clearly see in all our circumstances. And we have been so thankful that we've been blessed to be on the same journey together, at the same time.
There is no way to describe the bond that grows out of these shared experiences and the experience of God opening your eyes and delivering you in a "side by side" manner. As you know, I feel that same bond with you. I know I'm an adopted sister in the Linder family and always will be.
No matter what we've ever been through -- and there have been some rough moments -- we have always made the effort to preserve our friendship. And, as a result, it has thrived. I love witnessing your spiritual growth and sharing in that journey! Thanks for the effort you have always made to stay close.
When you said "...in my times of sorrow when it seems He's so far away instead of right by my side," it made me think of something Allen (my pastor) said in church last night. He was talking about those times when you have thoughts of "Where's God?" He said, "When you can't find your keys, do you just stand in the middle of a room and ask 'where are my keys?' No. You look for them until you find them. We need to adjust our thinking and stop sitting in a room asking where God is. If it seems He isn't there, start looking for Him. Pursue Him. He promises us that if we do that, He will be found."
I know the concept. But I liked the way he illustrated it.
Another thing he said recently was about darkness encroaching on our lives. He said we don't have to struggle and fight against the darkness. What we have to do is come more fully into the Light (Christ). Light will just naturally drive out darkness every time."
It's not rocket science. When you think about it, it seems so basic. But sometimes we just need to be reminded. There is a beautiful simplicity to the Gospel. We must be like children in our simplicity. But one of the bags I still carry is making everything overly complicated.
Thanks again for your comments. And thanks for your priceless friendship. You have been a true friend to me and I love you, too!