Blogging

When I began writing on this blog, I invited only a few friends and family to read -- if they had any interest. I didn't presume that anyone would be interested in reading my blog. I occasionally sent someone a link so they could see pictures or watch a video clip of the kids. (I've removed the extensive photo gallery so that pictures of my grandsons and other family members do not frame the posts. But I will still include occasional pictures within a post.)

My initial reason for this blog was to post chapter by chapter discussion of books I was reading; primarily for my small women's group. But I got emails from several readers, not in my group, who shared with me that my blog was a spiritual encouragement to them and they checked it for posts daily. I enjoy writing and putting my thoughts to paper (or in this case, to screen). So I was encouraged to continue. (It takes very little encouragement, because I enjoy it so much.) I would guesstimate that I had no more than a dozen regular readers. But I wasn't writing for the masses (nor am I now for that matter). I was writing for a small audience and for myself. I found that I got more out of my reading when I wrote about it.

At one point, someone asked me to post updates on my dieting progress (which began in October). So I wrote some posts about that. And sometimes I use the blog simply to express my thankfulness for God, His blessings and for the people in my life that mean so much to me.

I am, by nature, a born communicator. I remember taking personality and strengths tests while in college a few years ago. I consistently measured high in communicating, relating to others and empathy. I am also a very outgoing, extroverted and open (to a fault) person. I don't like facades. And I don't do well at protecting myself emotionally. I won't have to know you long to tell you the worst thing about me or the worst mistake I have ever made. You won't have to hear it from someone else.

I am just a person who is flat out vulnerable and, at 48, (finally) quite comfortable with that part of myself. Every once in a while, I wish I could be a little better at guarding myself in certain situations. But that just isn't who I am. So if you want to take a shot at me, I will probably hand you the ammunition. I may cry when you hurt me (I WILL cry -- I am also a crier). But I'll come out of it not regretting my vulnerability. Because it takes vulnerability to love. And I choose love over protecting myself.

It's kind of a strange feeling now to have been made aware that there are people reading this blog who may not particularly love me or have positive feelings toward me. I'm not sure exactly what their goal is in reading. Maybe it's just to stay informed of what I'm sharing or simply out of curiosity. And that's fine. I have read people's blogs or message boards out of curiosity many times. And I am the one who made the choice to leave my blog open to anyone. I could have made it private, only allowing people I give permission to read. But that's not my style. And besides, if you are reading this, that means you are not indifferent toward me (yet). And that gives me hope.

You see, those of you who may be reading this whose friendship or respect I have possibly lost, I still have a very deep love and affection for you. I still consider you my friends, even if you don't consider me yours. I always will. And you will never be "out of sight, out of mind" because of our differences. I have accepted the losses that accompany the stand I've taken, but I will always feel the loss. Deep down in my heart, you are a part of me and who I am. You always will be. That can never change.

If you have an interest in reading, for any reason, you are welcome here. And I want to emphasize again, you are welcome to respond. I will not censor anyone's comments unless they are, obviously, profane or hostile in a scary way, etc. Feel free to say anything to me that you wish to say, whether anonymously or openly.