Home Again (with more rambling thoughts)
We returned home today after a very wonderful family weekend. I always enjoy being with John's family. But this weekend was even more special because Danny, Rebecca and the boys joined us for Marian's surprise party Saturday, and then we all got to hang out together on Sunday before everyone had to head home. You may notice a few new pictures on the blog that were taken Saturday night.
We had planned to be home yesterday, but we got caught up in the Titan game and by the time it was over, we started thinking about just staying another night. It was a perfect ending to the trip because we got to spend some extra time with Marian and take her to dinner, just the three of us.
I guess this would be the obvious moment to mention how I did on my diet this weekend. Actually, I did very well in exercising restraint and made mostly good choices until last night. We went to Biaggi's, which is my favorite restaurant in Evansville. And I made the decision to just enjoy a nice dinner (including bad carbs) and go right back to my low carb diet today (which I have). I won't know the official damage until tomorrow morning, since that is when I will weigh again. And I probably did gain because I also took the weekend off from working out. But the bruschetta and the eggplant parmesan were worth gaining a pound, if I have. I don't intend to completely eliminate anything I love. I'm just trying to splurge less frequently.
Between last night and this morning I read the book "It's All About Him" by Denise Jackson. It was a quick read. I settled in on Marian's couch after dinner and started reading while she and John watched football. I finished it on the way home. What a great book. I definitely recommend it. I wouldn't have imagined that I would share much of anything in common with the wife of a celebrity. But what we definitely have in common is having the Gospel come alive to us (after growing up in church as a kid) and truly finding Jesus in the midst of suffering and loss. The details of our lives are very different. But God has brought deliverance and redemption to my broken life, just as dramatically as He did to hers.
As I was reading the last chapters in the car this morning, I was fighting back tears because I could so relate to her thankfulness. I just kept thinking how thankful I am that I have also learned what she has learned. Before reading her book, I knew absolutely nothing about her except that she was married to the country singer, Alan Jackson. Reading her book, especially the last few chapters, I felt a bond with her; the bond of being sisters in Christ. Suffering is such a necessary component to spiritual growth. I loved her analogy of having Jesus in the back seat of the car with her most of her life, then allowing him to take the front passenger seat, and then ultimately saying, from her heart, "Jesus, take the wheel!"
I feel so thankful for the ways God has taught me how to trust Him. I have learned more in the last five or six years than the rest of my life combined. But all of those preceding years were leading up to a culmination of many events, experiences, questions and finally answers. Lately, when I wake up in the middle of the night, I just start thanking God for all that He has done in my life and the love He has surrounded me with. I go back to sleep telling Him how unworthy I am of His faithfulness, His mercy, His love and His blessings. It seemed like this whole weekend I couldn't stop thinking about how good God has been to me. I'm still just a flawed, messed up human being, not knowing exactly what the future holds. I know there are unforeseen hard places ahead of me. Losses. Sadness. Trials. But one thing I know, that I didn't know for so many years, is the certainty of my salvation and where my road ends.
If you didn't grow up being taught the things I was taught about God and what it took to please Him (perfection in this life), you probably cannot fully comprehend the depth of my gratitude for the truth of the Gospel and the freedom it has brought to my life in Christ. I think about it nearly every day. I lived a life without hope for 43 years, thinking I was a Christian. The opposite can certainly also be true. Many people are being led astray with humanistic gospels that offer "a better you" and financial prosperity as the main attraction. I really struggle with those movements and how they are leading people into a false security, encouraging the seeking of self in all its forms instead of seeking God. It is just as serious as the man-pleasing legalism I was raised in. Both are ditches to avoid.
My small group knows that I have a love for the truth that has sprung out of discovering the deception I lived most of my life in. They know this because I've shared a lot of my personal testimony. I always hope they understand my passion in this area. I have a strong personality and I tend to express myself with equally strong conviction and emotion. My husband calls it "info-mercial mode" and often follows up my dissertations with, "For a copy of this transcript, call..." LOL. (He says it in a Don Pardo voice and it's much funnier in person.) It always makes me laugh. But sometimes I wonder how often I may have offended someone without knowing it. (Not that there aren't those whom I know I have offended with my honesty.)
I like for everyone to love me and feel good toward me. But I have been reminded many times that everyone did not love or feel good toward Jesus and everyone certainly will not love and feel good toward me. I remember a Christian counselor once asking me, "Did everyone think Jesus was a good person?" (Answer: No.) "Did that bother Jesus?" (Answer: No.) The fact is, Jesus was and still is an offense to many. I'm certainly not comparing myself to Jesus. What I am trying to say is that truth matters and truth must be more valuable than people's feelings.
Ironically, one of the first things God illuminated for me that led to my leaving the church I was raised in was how self-focused that environment was. Everything I did to conform, to be accepted, approved of, to have a "position" or even to sit in a certain place (the platform), was motivated by how people would respond to me (positive or negative). God showed me that nothing can be about self and at the same time be for His glory. And that was the beginning point of many revelations to come specifically related to selfish motives that can appear, outwardly, as the right motives. And since that was such a big thing in my spiritual development, I tend to constantly look for whatever motives I may have, in any situation, that are about me instead of being solely for the glory of God. It can be exhausting and painful to constantly look at yourself this way, but it will certainly help one realize that our need for a Savior does not end with the forgiveness of our past sins. We will be works in progress for as long as we occupy our earthly bodies.
Once again, I didn't know where I would end up when I started. But this whole post has one theme. Thankfulness. I have such a testimony of deliverance and I am so thankful. One of the ways my thankfulness has manifested in my life is in a deeper love for truth. It's very popular these days to diminish the importance of truth with the philosophy of "you have your truth and I have mine, can't we all just get along?" But that wasn't Jesus' philosophy. And, for that reason, I don't want it to be mine.
We had planned to be home yesterday, but we got caught up in the Titan game and by the time it was over, we started thinking about just staying another night. It was a perfect ending to the trip because we got to spend some extra time with Marian and take her to dinner, just the three of us.
I guess this would be the obvious moment to mention how I did on my diet this weekend. Actually, I did very well in exercising restraint and made mostly good choices until last night. We went to Biaggi's, which is my favorite restaurant in Evansville. And I made the decision to just enjoy a nice dinner (including bad carbs) and go right back to my low carb diet today (which I have). I won't know the official damage until tomorrow morning, since that is when I will weigh again. And I probably did gain because I also took the weekend off from working out. But the bruschetta and the eggplant parmesan were worth gaining a pound, if I have. I don't intend to completely eliminate anything I love. I'm just trying to splurge less frequently.
Between last night and this morning I read the book "It's All About Him" by Denise Jackson. It was a quick read. I settled in on Marian's couch after dinner and started reading while she and John watched football. I finished it on the way home. What a great book. I definitely recommend it. I wouldn't have imagined that I would share much of anything in common with the wife of a celebrity. But what we definitely have in common is having the Gospel come alive to us (after growing up in church as a kid) and truly finding Jesus in the midst of suffering and loss. The details of our lives are very different. But God has brought deliverance and redemption to my broken life, just as dramatically as He did to hers.
As I was reading the last chapters in the car this morning, I was fighting back tears because I could so relate to her thankfulness. I just kept thinking how thankful I am that I have also learned what she has learned. Before reading her book, I knew absolutely nothing about her except that she was married to the country singer, Alan Jackson. Reading her book, especially the last few chapters, I felt a bond with her; the bond of being sisters in Christ. Suffering is such a necessary component to spiritual growth. I loved her analogy of having Jesus in the back seat of the car with her most of her life, then allowing him to take the front passenger seat, and then ultimately saying, from her heart, "Jesus, take the wheel!"
I feel so thankful for the ways God has taught me how to trust Him. I have learned more in the last five or six years than the rest of my life combined. But all of those preceding years were leading up to a culmination of many events, experiences, questions and finally answers. Lately, when I wake up in the middle of the night, I just start thanking God for all that He has done in my life and the love He has surrounded me with. I go back to sleep telling Him how unworthy I am of His faithfulness, His mercy, His love and His blessings. It seemed like this whole weekend I couldn't stop thinking about how good God has been to me. I'm still just a flawed, messed up human being, not knowing exactly what the future holds. I know there are unforeseen hard places ahead of me. Losses. Sadness. Trials. But one thing I know, that I didn't know for so many years, is the certainty of my salvation and where my road ends.
If you didn't grow up being taught the things I was taught about God and what it took to please Him (perfection in this life), you probably cannot fully comprehend the depth of my gratitude for the truth of the Gospel and the freedom it has brought to my life in Christ. I think about it nearly every day. I lived a life without hope for 43 years, thinking I was a Christian. The opposite can certainly also be true. Many people are being led astray with humanistic gospels that offer "a better you" and financial prosperity as the main attraction. I really struggle with those movements and how they are leading people into a false security, encouraging the seeking of self in all its forms instead of seeking God. It is just as serious as the man-pleasing legalism I was raised in. Both are ditches to avoid.
My small group knows that I have a love for the truth that has sprung out of discovering the deception I lived most of my life in. They know this because I've shared a lot of my personal testimony. I always hope they understand my passion in this area. I have a strong personality and I tend to express myself with equally strong conviction and emotion. My husband calls it "info-mercial mode" and often follows up my dissertations with, "For a copy of this transcript, call..." LOL. (He says it in a Don Pardo voice and it's much funnier in person.) It always makes me laugh. But sometimes I wonder how often I may have offended someone without knowing it. (Not that there aren't those whom I know I have offended with my honesty.)
I like for everyone to love me and feel good toward me. But I have been reminded many times that everyone did not love or feel good toward Jesus and everyone certainly will not love and feel good toward me. I remember a Christian counselor once asking me, "Did everyone think Jesus was a good person?" (Answer: No.) "Did that bother Jesus?" (Answer: No.) The fact is, Jesus was and still is an offense to many. I'm certainly not comparing myself to Jesus. What I am trying to say is that truth matters and truth must be more valuable than people's feelings.
Ironically, one of the first things God illuminated for me that led to my leaving the church I was raised in was how self-focused that environment was. Everything I did to conform, to be accepted, approved of, to have a "position" or even to sit in a certain place (the platform), was motivated by how people would respond to me (positive or negative). God showed me that nothing can be about self and at the same time be for His glory. And that was the beginning point of many revelations to come specifically related to selfish motives that can appear, outwardly, as the right motives. And since that was such a big thing in my spiritual development, I tend to constantly look for whatever motives I may have, in any situation, that are about me instead of being solely for the glory of God. It can be exhausting and painful to constantly look at yourself this way, but it will certainly help one realize that our need for a Savior does not end with the forgiveness of our past sins. We will be works in progress for as long as we occupy our earthly bodies.
Once again, I didn't know where I would end up when I started. But this whole post has one theme. Thankfulness. I have such a testimony of deliverance and I am so thankful. One of the ways my thankfulness has manifested in my life is in a deeper love for truth. It's very popular these days to diminish the importance of truth with the philosophy of "you have your truth and I have mine, can't we all just get along?" But that wasn't Jesus' philosophy. And, for that reason, I don't want it to be mine.
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