Leaving the Sea of Galilee...
Several of us were baptized in the Jordan River at the end of the day. John had never been immersed and I had questioned my baptism because of the false beliefs I held when I was baptized earlier in my life. So this was a decision I had given much thought to. I did not consider it a rededication. I considered it my first true baptism because I now know that in baptism I have been buried and raised with Christ. When I was baptized previously, I didn't believe I had the promise of eternal life through Jesus' perfect life, death and resurrection. I was taught that I had to merit eternal life through my own sinless life. Therefore, in hindsight, I realize that I didn't believe the gospel. To most Christians, this is hard to imagine.
Although I never believed I would go to heaven, I still wanted to live for God because I loved Him. I believed that everything good in my life was from Him and I was grateful that Jesus died to give me a chance at eternal life -- even though I didn't believe I would ever go to heaven or see Him (because I was taught that God required my perfection even after Jesus had died for my "past" sins). I accepted this as truth because I was taught this my entire life. I carried it like a weight all those years -- even as a child. But I remember thinking that even if I couldn't make it, maybe I would help someone else in some way who would reach perfection, and my life would at least have had a purpose. That sounds noble, but it was unbelief.
I now realize that Jesus died because no one could obey the law perfectly (except Him) and the purpose of the law was to demonstrate how much we need a Savior. Righteousness is through faith in Him, not through my own sinlessness. I will be perfect one day, but not until I see Him. That is not limiting God (as I was told all my life), it is receiving His gift and believing in His promises.